


Recovery

by hawkeing_eta



Series: Definition of Found Family [7]
Category: Persona 2, Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Canon-Typical Violence, Family, Guilt, M/M, Other, References to Depression, Self-Blame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 07:46:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12316809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkeing_eta/pseuds/hawkeing_eta
Summary: That splitting smile left an impression Akira couldn't shake. The chilling panic urged him to move, and he didn't think. He just reacted and fired.[Canon Divergence/AU where Tatsuya and Jun are Akira's parents and more involved in his life during his probation]





	1. The Reality

**Author's Note:**

> I want to apologize first and foremost because I did not intend for this part to take as long as it did. This was the plot I had wanted to write since the very beginning, that started this whole thing, and I wanted to get it right. 
> 
> And as I've stated in the previous part: some liberties have been taken in regards to P2:IS and P2:EP. I'm taking what I like, ignoring what I don't, and bending some rules to make it work for this AU while still trying to stay as true as I can to it.

_I suppose it looked like a Harlequin in a white school uniform._

It was panic that had kept that girl's words looping in his head like a bad mantra and fear that pushed Jun through the crowded streets. Sumaru was never as big Tokyo, but the idea was still the same. Navigating crowds worked the same and despite the years of living out in a quiet country town, Jun pushed his way through like he had never left the city behind.

Tatsuya was right behind him. Jun knew he was acting impulsively, how irrational his sudden departure was. The balance is delicate, though. And Akira was never supposed to know about the past or the terrible things Jun had done. Jun's heart was racing. Without even realizing it, he had dragged his son into his all of this. It should have been obvious.

A hand tugged at his arm and Jun finally stopped. He turned to look back at Tatsuya and was stilled by the concern in his hard eyes. Jun's chest sunk at the weight of the sorrow and guilt.

“You need to calm down.”

Jun took a deep yet shaky breath. He had doubts that he would be able to properly calm down but Tatsuya wasn't wrong. They both knew they needed to find out what it was those kids saw, but acting rash wouldn't solve anything. It was still hard to fight it down. Tatsuya, out of anyone, should know how serious this was. He motioned for the two of them to keep going and Jun was thankful.

Akira and Yusuke were right behind them trying to keep up. Jun felt ashamed for having run off like he had, but Akira didn't understand the gravity of the situation. Akira was trying to be rational and keep everything under control. Jun knew that was an impossible feat. Akira didn't know everything. He didn't know what they might be up against, and Jun wasn't going to risk his son's life and let this sit. He unconsciously picked up his pace towards the station.

As he took the stairs down to the landing, Tatsuya was right behind him. The crowds hadn't thinned but they both still manage to stand by the yellow line near the tracks. Jun kept his gaze forward towards the dark tunnel.

There was fear in Tatsuya stare, Jun could feel it. He wanted to overcome the powerless feeling that had settled and take it away, but it had been hard enough to calm himself down. Jun was scared too. The repercussions were too imposing. His hand rubbed at his chest above his heart. Jun couldn't steady his breathing.

Akira finally approached them and there was heat in that hard stare. He wanted to say something. There were too questions he wanted to demand answers for, but it was too crowded. There were too many ears. Jun tried to smile, but even he could feel it fail to reach his eyes. He hoped Akira knew he wasn't mad or disappointed in him. Akira's harsh look seemed to soften.

“You mentioned they were at the station in Shibuya?” Jun asked, keeping his voice low.

“...Yes,” Akira answered, “We're meeting the others at the entrance near the underground mall.” He had been keeping a careful eye on both of them. When they could find themselves less surrounded by listening ears, Jun would explain then. He was still deciding how much Akira should know. There was too much to tell.

Jun finally nodded at Akira's words. An announcement overhead chimed for the arrival of the approaching train, and when it stopped at the station, they all boarded in silence along with the other commuters.

Despite the number of people, Tatsuya and Jun manage to grab a seat. Akira and Yusuke stayed standing, and made wall. It felt a little isolating, but Jun appreciated it. The train jostled as it set off.

The car was crowded but not as cramped as it had been when they first rode into the city. Despite the few chatting among themselves, the train was quiet. It was normal. Jun reached for his own hand and twists the watch around his wrist anxiously.

Tatsuya rested his own hand over Jun's and he stopped.

“This is a misunderstanding.” Tatsuya had sounded like he was trying to convince himself. Jun took a deep, grounding breath.

“I pray you're right,” Jun breathes. He twisted his hand and curled his fingers around Tatsuya's. He held on tight. “I want you to be right.”

 

 

The station was just as busy as anywhere else, the square even more so. Akira had started to lead the group through the mindless chatter of the faceless crowds. Once they reached the top of the stairs, Akira's group of friends came into view.

The girl with the blond hair noticed them first and waved Akira down.

“Akira!” Ann called out as they approached, “I'm so glad you're here, we—” She immediately cut herself off when she realized Jun and Tatsuya were right behind him. Makoto had started eyeing them wearily.

“What's going on?” Makoto asked, tone light enough. She was being polite about it.

“I feel as though we should be the ones asking you all that question,” Jun replied. As he looked over each of the kids in front of him, it hit him how young they were. They were all fighting a battle they shouldn't have to fight. It was cruel.

“They know,” Akira spoke up with little preamble. Ann and Ryuji shared a look.

“Is that okay?” Ryuji asked, brow raised, “I mean—”

Akira hadn't responded and instead habitually twisted some of his hair between his fingers. He was stalling. Akira wasn't sure what to say. There was a tremendous amount of trust being laid out and Akira was making a gamble with it. He looked behind him to Tatsuya and Jun.

“We'll explain later.” It was Tatsuya who spoke up first, “But right now we need to know what you saw.”

“Please. Take us to where you saw it.” Jun knew what a loaded question that was. The entire group all look to him surprised.

“No,” Akira curtly blurted out. That blatant refusal hadn't been surprising. Jun stared at him. He had expected this and the others were watching silently for the tight tension to snap. Jun held himself tall. He couldn't be the one to back down. There was too much on the line.

“Akira—”

“I'm not taking you there.” Akira was standing his ground just as firmly, but despite the defiant eyes Jun could see his nerves were shaken. “It's reckless, and we have rules.”

“I can't let this sit,” Jun said firmly. The flimsy control he had on his panic was starting to slip. He was asking for so much and he knew it wasn't fair of him to push. Akira could be mad at him; he could hate him for putting him into this situation. If it meant knowing he'd be safe, that everyone would be safe, then that would be fine.

Akira stared him down.

“Can we talk?” Akira glanced back to his group of friends, motioning for them to stay put before pointedly turning back to his parents. Excusing himself, he lead Jun and Tatsuya towards the smoking area where few people were loitering.

He turned to them and with his arms crossed, and looked them down with a frustrated look.

“How do you know about the Metaverse?” Akira finally asked.

The accusation caught them off guard and Tatsuya and Jun shared a look. There was no backing out of this. They needed to placate Akira until they could sit down and discuss this properly.

“We didn't,” Tatsuya said.

Akira was still staring them both down.

“Then how do you already know about Personas and Shadows?”

Jun and Tatsuya were quiet. They were conflicted but more so with where to even start. Their continued silence had only frustrated Akira further.

“I told you everything,” Akira said firmly, “I think it's fair you tell me what's going on.”

Where did all of this even start? Jun looked away and he was having trouble sorting though his thoughts. The anxiety was making it hard to think and there was too much to say and none of it he had wanted Akira to know. The hesitancy had pushed Akira to press.

“What are you so afraid of?”

That was the question, wasn't it? Jun's hand gripped his own wrist tight, fingers running over the metal of his watch. He could remember how long it had remained silent for years.

“Philemon.”

“The Crawling Chaos.”

Akira hadn't expected an honest response to his rhetorical question. The way his face softened with surprise made it clear he wasn't sure how to respond. Jun looked up to his son with resolve set in his eyes.

“You deserve the truth.” Jun looked over to the group of teenagers across the square. They were all silently watching. A pang of guilt hit him, but Jun managed to swallow it down when he looked back to Akira. “We're telling the truth when we say we don't know anything about this Metaverse.”

“Personas and Shadows? We know that,” Tatsuya finished. His old lighter was in his hand.

“Akira,” Jun took a deep breath as he stepped forward, giving his son his full attention, “At this moment, I cannot begin to express how serious this is. If it's nothing, if it's not what we think, then so be it. I will apologize and do everything I can to earn your forgiveness. As it stands, the fact that you and your friends can summon Personas is incredibly alarming. What your friends might have seen,” Jun's voice caught in his throat as his face contorted with his own frustration. “I have to know who that is.”

Tatsuya raised his arm to pull at his sleeve of his dark shirt. Akira looked to the marking reaching up from his forearm to his hand. They had never talked about it, and Tatsuya had always tried to hide it or make no acknowledgment towards it for as long as they've known Akira. As far as their son knew, it was just a strange tattoo.

“I made a deal,” Tatsuya said. His gaze is firm. “There's a chance they went back on their word.”

They were both being vague but Akira seemed to be accepting what little they're providing. Jun appreciated that more then he could ever let on.

“There's so much you don't know,” Jun began again as Tatsuya adjusted his sleeve, “I had hoped to keep you away from it.” As he looked over Akira, sees how tall he held himself and how grounded he was despite the lack of clarity, Jun was overcome with both pride and remorse. Akira had grown up to be such a strong person. “It seems fate had other plans. I will tell you everything later. _Everything_. If you take us to it.”

Akira looked to be at a loss. There was trust between them, but Akira still doesn't fully understand the magnitude of their words. Akira must know they aren't lying. He shook his head in disbelief.

“Okay.”

The wave of relief was like a tension wire snapping. Tatsuya wasn't as grateful as Jun, but there was still a quiet determination burning in his eyes.

“But we're doing this my way. And the moment I feel it's too dangerous, we're leaving. Understood?” Akira had never spoken to his parents with such an authoritative tone in the past. It hadn't bothered Jun in the least.

“Absolutely,” they both nodded in agreement. Akira took a deep breath.

“Let me talk with the others. Wait here.” Akira turned to head back to the other group. Jun watched him go and a wave of nostalgia hit him. His heart grew too heavy as it beat hard in his chest.

“Do you really think they went back on their word?” he asked Tatsuya softly, still watching their son intently. Jun felt Tatsuya looking at him, felt the concern as Jun fell into himself and his thoughts. Tatsuya didn't comment on it. “I wasn't supposed to remember what happened. None of us were, yet we found that loophole. Maybe this is theirs.”

“We won't know for sure until we find out what's in there.”

They both fell quiet, watching Akira converse among his friends. Their methods were still unknown and the exact circumstances of their summoning abilities left them both in the dark. They took what Akira had said seriously. Jun held himself a little tighter as there had to at least be a grain of truth to their concern.

However, Tatsuya was right. They wouldn't know what was going on until they found out for themselves. The thought of Akira going through such turmoil as they had, having to play a game stacked against him from the very beginning, sent a nauseating chill down Jun's spine. He pressed his curled hand against his mouth.

There was too much he could have done differently to prevent this from happening. Maybe if he had fought harder. Maybe if he had realized sooner. Or maybe it wouldn't have mattered. In the end and despite everything Tatsuya and the others had done, they still ultimately failed, hadn't they? Running away was Plan C.

“Jun.”

Tatsuya's voice was firm yet gentle. Jun hadn't turned his head, but he didn't need to. Tatsuya already knew he had his full attention.

“None of this is your fault.”

For someone who claims to struggle with words, anything Tatsuya said always carried such a weight. It was like he honestly believed it, and maybe one day Jun could bring himself to believe it as well. Grief started to well up and Jun had to bit his lip to keep it down.

Jun hastily wiped at his eyes. Even after all these years it kept coming back.

Tatsuya looked like he wanted to say more, but he fumbled for the right words. Jun found it a little endearing. He took a steadying breath.

“I'm alright, Tatsuya.”

There was doubt but Tatsuya accepted it for what it was. He might press later, but they both decided there was more important matters to focus on.

From the stairway leading to the underground station, they could see Akira waving them down, Yusuke at his side. Jun pushed down the anxiety welling up. With one last glance to Tatsuya, they joined up with their son.

Akira watched them carefully, looking over Jun with a critical eye. He didn't say anything, but the concern in his gaze was hard to miss.

So was the cat perched on Akira's shoulder. Its wide blue eyes were disconcerting as it stared them both down, and Jun hadn't realized he was staring himself.

“He's coming with,” Akira said, “It... might make more sense when we get there.” Considering all that had happened up until this point, neither Jun nor Tatsuya were in a position to question it.

Akira's foot anxiously tapped against the back of his other shoe as his fingers fidgeted wit his phone.

“Are you sure about this?”

Tatsuya and Jun share a look before nodding.

“Yes.”

“Please.”

Akira nodded, then raised his phone closer to his face. He kept his eyes locked on his parents as he spoke into the phone.

“Mementos.”

“Beginning navigation.” A computerized voice from Akira's phone spoke pleasantly and the world shifted around them. It was sudden and nauseating and yet nothing seemed to change. Jun quickly looked around, ignoring the sharp pain in his head and watched with wide-eyed fascination and concern as the crowds of people around them froze and then faded out one by one. When he turned back to Akira, he was watching them with that same critical eye.

It was so quiet. With the crowds suddenly gone, the city had become hauntingly empty. Jun couldn't help but look away to the square around them again. The tall buildings feel oppressive with their height now. A city this big shouldn't be this empty. His heart pounded in his chest. It's almost like what Sumaru had turned into. Before that thought could sink in, Tatsuya's hand is on his arm, gripping tight.

Jun looked to him immediately and paused. Tatsuya looked dazed. His hand was clutching his shirt right above his heart.

“Do you feel that?” He finally asked. Jun considered his words, and it hit him. IT was a familiar warmth in his chest, a comfort resonating in his soul he hadn't felt this strongly in years. It had never truly left, but faded out to a dull ember as the years had gone by. Jun's hand slapped over his mouth and when Tatsuya looked to him, Jun nodded. The elation he felt quickly dissolved into worry as they both looked to Akira.

There was too much validity to their concern.

Whatever Akira was thinking, He hadn't let on to it. He turns towards the entrance and where the cat Morgana used to be, a rather large creature hopped down to the ground with a wide smirk. Jun and Tatsuya both stared as it adjusts its yellow kerchief around its neck before hopping down the stairs after Akira.

“It's down here,” Akira called out from halfway down the steps. Yusuke was calming following behind. It had all seemed so second nature to them, not being phased by any of this. With Tatsuya's hand still on Jun's arm, the two follow after down the stairs.

They had only made it a few steps down when a flash of burning light blinded them. It only took a glance for Jun to realize that it was fire. Blue flames engulfed both of the boys halfway down the stairs. And as fast as it had ignited, it faded to scattering white embers, leaving behind dark, immaculate outfits. As Akira tugged at the wrists of his bright red gloves, flexing his fingers, Jun stopped and stared.

The word “immolate” started to loop in his head and he couldn't shake it. He felt like he was on a precipice.

The tails of Akira's long coat fluttered behind him as he turned to look back up the stairs. Tatsuya was the first to step forward.

“What is this?” Tatsuya reached out and held one of Akira's hands in his own as he examined the glove and cuff of the leather coat. A smirk grew on Akira's face when Tatsuya looks up to get a better look at the white mask.

“Where do you want me to start?”

Jun took the last few steps to join the others. That sinking feeling still hadn't left him, but he pushed it down. As he stepped closer, Jun looked over the station and how different it was. It felt like it was pulsing around them. The signs and advertisements were nothing but static, barely keeping any image or words together for more than a second. The walls and tiles were all cracked. This was no place for any living person to be. It was simply a gut feeling, but whatever this place was, it was not meant for human eyes.

Akira's gaze on him felt heavy. They met, but Akira soon turned towards the ticket gates.

“Come on. We don't have much time, and we need to keep moving.”

Akira lead the group deeper into the station as Yusuke went on a bit ahead. Jun didn't remember its layout being like this. If this was the Metaverse Akira had mentioned, then maybe it didn't matter. The idea of an otherworldly place changing layouts wasn't that wild of a concept. The red hue and crawling walls were still incredibly unnerving. Jun caught up to his son and they walk side by side.

“What exactly is this place, Akira—”

“Don't,” Akira interrupted, holding a finger up to his lips. Jun looked at him perplexed. “Try not to say my name here. Or any of ours.”

“Why not?” Tatsuya asked from his other side. It was Morgana who stopped and turned once they reached the subway tunnels proper.

“You remember when he mentioned palaces during his little spiel about our activities?” Both Jun and Tatsuya stared at the cat creature silently. Tatsuya chanced a glance up to Akira, who shrugged nonchalantly.

“Ah, I... believe so?” Jun finally responded. It was rude to gawk.

“Well, this place is one of those,” Morgana continued, “Except instead of being born from one person's distorted desires, it's more akin to the entire populace.”

“Somewhat like the collective unconscious,” Yusuke supplied from further down the landing, jumping down onto the tracks. He had been keeping his eyes further down the tunnel.

Akira jumped down as well and looked to Yusuke, then down the dark tunnel. There was something Akira wasn't saying and it was an itch at the back of Jun's mind, but he didn't feel like he should press for it. The subway system was eerily quiet. Jun wasn't sure if this place was always like this, or if this was strange.

“This place goes on for miles,” Akira said as he turned back to look up to his parents still on top of the landing. He extended a hand to help them down. “We've been exploring it for a couple months, but we still don't fully understand it.” Tatsuya landed with a solid thud against the gravel. When Jun jumped down, Akira was there to steady him. He offered a small smile. He turned and motioned for them to follow once more.

“Our popularity—or notoriety, I guess—sees to effect how far we can go. Since this place is so deeply connected to everyone's hearts, it's better for us to be careful to protect ourselves. So we use code names.”

Akira motioned to Morgana, who was hopping along at his side and turned his head enough to smirk back at Tatsuya and Jun, “This is Mona.”

“Fox,” Yusuke raised his hand, but kept his gaze forward as he continued on.

Akira pointed to himself, “And I'm Joker.”

His heart stopped and Jun felt like he had suddenly gone deaf. He stopped moving forward.

“Why would you call yourself that?”

“Huh?”

Jun's first step was hesitant, but dread pushed him forward until he was face to face with Akira. Panic bubbled back up and he had no hope of pushing it down any more. It was boiling over. Every set of eyes were on him, but all he could focus on was Akira's startled face.

“Why would you call yourself _that_? That is not a mantle you should have to take upon yourself.” Jun voice was pointed and tinged with a deep rooted fear. He gripped Akira's arm tight. It was clear in Akira's eyes that he was thrown off kilter by the sudden change in demeanor. “Why _exactly_ are you doing here?”

Akira just stared. He fought off a wince from the vice grip on his arm. Jun realized exactly what he was doing and quickly let go. He felt so sick.

He was just met with silence as Akira tried to sort out what had happened. His hard gaze wasn't defiant, but it was reinforced with a steady resolve. It was like he knew what he was up against. He didn't. He really didn't know and Jun was terrified for him.

“We're helping people.” Akira said it so confidently. It was the initial spark.

“I believed I was, too.”

Akira's brow furrowed, but Yusuke abruptly stopped ahead of them before he could ask anything. Akira was instantly on edge as he turned to look to Yusuke, who slid his foot across the gravel as he took a low and defensive stance.

The absolute silence of the subway tunnels became deafening. Jun began to think that this wasn't normal. Akira glances back to his parents before approaching Yusuke. He held himself high. Jun could see him reach for his hip and pull out a large knife.

“Show yourself,” Akira called out. Jun wanted to take him and run.

A gentle breeze drifted through the tunnel, disrupting the stagnant air and scent of decay. The comforting ember in Jun's chest started to flicker out when a soft chuckle echoed off the eerie concrete walls. Another gust of wind, stronger than before, rushed through. Sparse white petals drifted around them. Tatsuya managed to catch one and it crumbled in his hand at the slightest touch. The rose petals were brittle and dried out.

“It's fitting, isn't it?” a voice called out as the air stilled again, and Jun felt his stomach collapse. Tatsuya took a step forward, his eyes intense, but Morgana moved to prevent him from advancing any further. Akira and Yusuke stood their ground, but Jun couldn't ignore the moment of hesitation Akira had.

One more gust of wind whipped through the tunnel, strong enough that they all needed to brace themselves against it and just like that, the dying ember was gone. It was the Caracol all over again and Jun was left hallow. An empty cage of bones ready to collapse in on itself, void of any purpose.

His heart ached when he realized he could no longer feel Chronos again.

“It's truly a shame the boy had to get involved,” the voice continued, echoing maliciously, “But how else was this going to happen? You dared to dream again.” That hauntingly sweet voice was getting to Tatsuya, his fists tight at his sides. They were itching to grasp for old habits.

Mementos was hazy and dark. Jun could barely see ten feet ahead of them but Akira seemed to lock onto something. Yusuke's stance lowered even more, his right hand hovering at his side over his sheathed katana.

“Who are you?” Akira called out.

Jun didn't want to hear the answer to that. He didn't want Akira finding out like this. He couldn't bring himself to move, frozen in place by the ringing silence. A dark, yet light laugh bounced off the walls.

“Who am I...” The air shifted and suddenly a white figure was standing in front of Akira. That grinning mask stared down at him hollowly. Akira didn't flinch. “That is the question, isn't it? ' _Joker?_ '”

“Move!” Tatsuya pried a broken pipe from the wall and dashed forward past a startled Morgana. Akira seemed to move on instinct, jumping back into a flip and skidding a few feet away as he landed. As Tatsuya ran past, Akira watched wide-eyed as an intense spark of power surged and the metal pipe slams down into the ground with a deafening bang. The masked figure was gone as the dust settled. Tatsuya stood, pulling the now bent pipe from the small smoldering crater and stared down the tunnel.

Apollo faded but the strength behind its presence remained.

“Astonishing,” Yusuke muttered.

“So, it's true then!” Morgana exclaimed, keeping close to Jun with his large sword drawn.

Akira looked behind him to Jun and their eyes met. He stood up and there wasn't any hesitancy or doubt in his youthful eyes.

“You're Persona users, too.” It hadn't been a question. Jun nodded, but swallowed thickly when he finally looked further down the tunnel to where that haunting reminder stood. A realization seemed too hit Akira and he gasped softly. Jun wouldn't be able to apologize enough.

“Dad?” There was such concern in Akira's voice. It almost broke Jun's heart.

“He still hasn't told you,” the voice is gentle and condescending. Akira looked toward it and held his ground. He stared it down as Tatsuya fell into an old and familiar stance. Akira was the one to step forward, subtly motioning with his hand. Yusuke tightened his grip on the handle.

Akira looked so confidant, verging on cocky. It was almost unfamiliar.

“There's so much you don't know.” That fake grin painted on that mask was unsettling with it's haunting face. The wind started to pick up again and more white, brittle rose petals float about.

“Then why don't you start explaining,” Akira says. It was almost mechanical, like he was playing up some role. His coat flapped behind him at the strengthening headwind. He didn't flinch.

Tatsuya gave him a hesitant look, unsure of his methods. Akira didn't know what he was up against, but Jun and Tatsuya were unfamiliar with the workings of this place. Akira had always been one for a gamble, but Jun didn't like these odds.

“I just wanted to help people. That was how it all started. Help give them what they wanted and be the guiding hand that would lead them to an ideal existence. Is that wrong?” It was blurry. With all the warping and manipulation, Jun would have a hard time sorting out what was real and what was all a fabrication. But Jun could remember Big Sis and her kind words that had motivated him.

Even if he had been misguided.

Akira's eyes narrowed. He took a slow step forward.

“There's more to it than that, I assume.”

Akira lurched to his side and grabbed Tatsuya by the waist as he jerked him back. When they hit the ground, Yusuke dashed forward against the strong gust. His mask ignited in blue flames and as he swept his right hand out, a striking figure appeared behind him. The flowing garments and prominent makeup looked like something straight out of an ukiyo-e painting. It swept its huge pipe along the same path Yusuke swept his arm up and ice shot up in front of the group. The wall creaked and splintered against the sudden onslaught from the other side.

Akira stood and helped Tatsuya to his feet. He turned back to the wall of ice. Goemon dispersed and Yusuke's mask returned. From the other side, they all could hear the raged yelling.

“I will not allow this!” It echoed despite the howling wind and cracking ice.

“That will not hold for long,” Yusuke said, eyeing the wall he had made. He turned back to Akira, who was still looking it over. Akira nodded.

“Mona.” That cat creature looked up at his name, “Get my parents out of here.” His hand raised to his face and his white mask ignited. Blue flames engulfed his face as black wings erupted and a tall red and black figure hovered overhead.

“No,” Jun called out before he could think. He was staring, awestruck and terrified of the of the sight before him. Those blue flames...

Akira turned his head just enough, face still burning under the head of those sickening blue flames. All Jun could see was such a pointed anger in that cold gaze. He choked.

“Stop. Please.”

The anger waned and the flames died out as Akira's gaze softened. The Persona turned to looked down at Jun. That black flaming mask was unreadable before it dispersed, black feathers fluttering down before dissolving in blue and white embers.

Akira looked at him with such confused concern. Jun was choking on his own words because how can he tell his son not to make the same mistake he had. Anger could be such a destructive consuming force.

A loud crack shook the wall. With one more powerful burst, the ice shattered. Akira's mask ignited once again as he rushed in front of Jun. They hit the ground and with Akira's arms tight around him, Jun realized those black wings were back, shielding them from the debris. As soon as it settled, Akira quickly dismissed it and stared down at Jun.

It was too much. Jun fell to the ground and couldn't keep his breathing under control. He was dragging Tatsuya and now Akira down yet again with his own mess.

“Stop running from me.”

The voice was coming from behind them now, past the destroyed ice shards. They all look up towards where they had come from to see the white figure blocking their path. Jun pushes himself up on shaky arms to look. It felt wrong. Maybe it wasn't what they had initially feared, but that didn't make it any more palatable.

Akira was still kneeling at his side. His eyes never left the Shadow.

“Who is that?” Akira asked. He sounded like he already knew the answer. A soft chuckle lingered in the air.

“All of my mistakes,” Jun said. He sat up and turned to Akira, his eyes pleading. “That... That's Joker.”

Akira finally looked down to his father.

“You're still running,” the Shadow said as it took a slow step forward. Yusuke and Tatsuya both blocked off Akira and Jun, but it didn't deter it. It didn't care.

“But running has solved so many of your problems. Mama and Papa fighting? The abuse? The neglect? Even Maya's death and the truth behind it.”

Jun couldn't bring himself to look away from it. His heart was pounding painfully loud in his ears. The Shadow's words were the only other thing he could hear.

Akira yanked on his arm as he stood, pulling Jun up to his feet. His focus was back on that smiling mask.

“It was all for Maya, though. Wasn't it?”

Tatsuya lunged forward, pipe at his side as he takes a heavy swing. The Shadow dodged, and as it jumped away, a flower shoots through the air. Tatsuya bends out of the way, but it still sliced across his cheek before striking the wall near Jun. The marigold cracked the concrete and Jun stared at it. He swallowed down the thick lump in his throat.

“Fox!” Akira yelled as he dashed forward. Yusuke's mask ignited and Akira was surrounded by a burst of energizing green light as he seemed to move even faster. He reached the Shadow and with knife in had, he sliced down in a quick sweep. It didn't connect, but he kept advancing as the Shadow pulled back, swiping at the air in quick cuts.

He was relentless and with one last heavy upswing of the knife, Akira jumped into the air and blue flames engulf his face. His eyes were full of focused rage.

“Mona, now!” Akira yells.

A large pellet smacked into the side of the Shadow's head. The disorientation gives Akira the small window he needed. His hand raised and both his and Arsene's slammed into the ground with an explosion of black and red. It hits the Shadow with damned screeching, hurling it into the wall. As the dust dissipated, it falls to the ground in a heap.

Akira was still kneeling as he stared silently at the white figure. He held a hand out to prevent anyone from advancing.

They all stared silently as it started to move, bracing a hand on the ground with broken and jarred movements as it tried to stand. It was like watching a tangled marionette being pulled by the strings. Jun could taste the bile at the back of his throat.

“It's so fitting,” the Shadow said, laughing humorlessly. It finally stood and its head lulls to the side as it stared at Akira. “It's anger that drives you. A desire for revenge, isn't it?”

“Enough,” Tatsuya called out. The Shadow slowly turned towards him.

“Tatsuya,” it breathed, “Why are you still here?”

The Shadow's head jerked back violently when a marigold pierced the mask at its forehead. Jun still had his hand extended when Akira quickly looked back to him, startled.

Jun already knew the answer to that question, and so did Tatsuya. Some days the answer was harder to believe than others, but he wanted to get better.

A small crack, like that of porcelain shattering, flickers through the air. When the Shadow righted itself, pieces of the mask fall, twinkling down to the tracks and fading into black. The floral headdress faded as well and Jun's own face stared back. Golden, hallow eyes bored into him.

He looked so young. He was so young.

“All the dreams I've stolen. All the death and destruction I caused,” the Shadow spoke, and its voice had grown even and neutral. Emotionless. “This second chance I've been given, of course it would be ripped from me. It's what I deserve for daring to dream again.”

Akira was staring at the figure before them. He was hesitating. He knew what it meant, but seeing it laid so bare before him still had to be jarring.

The Shadow noticed, and when it turned to look at Akira, a grin slowly spread on its pretty face. It was wide and splitting.

“Your eyes were meant to be covered from all of this. You should be blind to the blood on my hands. It doesn't matter how hard I try, but maybe my gardens will give back enough. You can't see the blood if they're covered in dirt.”

“Enough!” Jun yelled out. His hands were shaking and Tatsuya was staring at him, along with everyone else.

“Am I wrong?” That golden stare was intense.

“I know exactly what I've done—”

“Then stop running!” A powerful whirlwind ripped through the air at the Shadow's outburst. Bunches of small yellow buds and bitter leaves scattered in the wind. Everyone braced themselves against the surge, leaves and stems scraping and cutting against skin as the rue whipped through the air.

“How dare He manipulate me like that! Twist my memories into warped abominations of the truth and reduce me to nothing but an obedient puppet. The perfect figurehead.” The Shadow took a decisive step forward and a blast sends everyone plummeting further down the tunnel. They all land hard. Jun had the wind knocked out of him. He struggled for a breath before he coughed and tried to push himself up.

Footsteps were right at his side and when he looked up, all he was met with was misguided and unrestrained anger. His heart dropped. The memory was crystal clear.

“The others, though? It's for their own good,” The Shadow started again, its voice hushed. It's eyes were intense as it stared down its nose at Jun. “They can't be allowed to remember or all of Tatsuya's hard work will mean nothing. That damn brand will mean nothing.” There was a flower in its hand, soft pink with even softer petals. It raised it up and held the sweet brier like a throwing knife. “Such a hypocrite.”

A gunshot rung out and the sweet brier exploded by the Shadow's head. It didn't flinch as shredded petals scatter, though it did turn its heated eyes to the source.

Jun looked over himself and saw Akira kneeling down by Yusuke, who was gripping his own shoulder with a wince. There was a pistol in Akira's hand. He was pointing it right at the Shadow with no hesitation and such a look of pointed abhorrence. He slowly rose to his feet, never letting his eyes even blink as he kept his gun aimed.

“Get away from him,” Akira said.

The Shadow stared and eventually dropped the remains of the stem from its hand.

“There's so much anger inside of you.”

“It's not because of you.”

Jun stared at Akira, eyes wide. He sat on the filthy ground of an underground subway system, staring dumbstruck at his own son pointing a gun at his own image, and Jun couldn't say anything.

The Shadow was staring too. Its face was eerily blank.

“It's not that simple.”

“Why can't it be?” Akira countered. Jun noticed the quiver in his voice, the way he anxiously adjusted the grip he had on his gun. But Akira was still holding himself tall, not letting himself fold.

“Could you forgive yourself for giving an order that sentenced so many people to their deaths? For taking something so precious, devoiding people of their own aspirations only to leave them empty husks of their former selves to fade away?” The smile that spread on the Shadow's face was painful and hallow. “What is happiness but the absence of sorrow?”

“Maybe _that's_ what's not so simple.” Another gunshot rang out and Jun instinctively flinched, ducking down as the bullet whizzes past. The wall shattered where the bullet struck. A feint. Akira was not shooting to kill.

It was an opening and Tatsuya charged. A bright burst followed him, red and white, and like a nova the impact was sudden and explosive. It sent the Shadow skidding across the tracks. Akira and the others are quick to move in, guns drawn and surrounding it.

“Jun.” Tatsuya was at his side. Jun stared at the outstretched hand. He stared at it for too long, he knew. Tatsuya's hand was warm and gentle when he finally took it and stood on shaky legs.

Akira and the others hadn't moved. The Shadow they were surrounding sat quietly on the ground, gaze almost vacant. Its gold eyes focused on Jun. He found he wasn't as perturbed by it as he used to be.

“I don't know what happened,” Akira started, “But I know what kind of person you are. Living with your choices and mistakes can be hard, but I won't pretend to understand what you went though.” Jun could feel Tatsuya's hand tighten in his own. Jun's throat tightened and his breath caught. “But you're still a good person.”

Jun choked back a sob.

Akira's gun lowered when the Shadow's body slumped and its eyes close.

“Stop blaming yourself.”

It looked up to Akira softly as it started to fade out.

A familiar warmth spreads through Jun's chest, seeping into the rest of his body. It was overwhelming in its return. He couldn't hold himself up anymore and his knees gave out. He dragged Tatsuya down with him unintentionally, but he didn't fight it. Tatsuya sat down with him and just held him close. Jun could feel rough fingers in his hair.

He wasn't actively crying but he couldn't stop the tears trailing down his face as bright gold wings and immaculate dark metal broke forth above him. There were too many racing thoughts, too many emotions to sort through, but Jun could feel Tatsuya and the hard kiss he pressed to the side of his head.

Chronos faded, but he could still feel it. Jun's hand came up to rest over his heart. It was pounding.

Akira cautiously stepped closer. Jun looked up and he could see Akira carefully cradling a flower in his hands. The six white petals were long and slim, and Akira held it out for Jun to take.

“It left this behind,” he said as Jun took the rainflower with a trembling hand. Jun closed his eyes tight and nodded.

Akira took a steadying breath of his own.

“Let's... get you out of here.”

 


	2. Omake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> – おまけ

Tatsuya came down the stairs from the attic and Akira immediately turned to him from his seat at the bar. Tatsuya's shouldered were slumped and he rubbed his eye before pulling his hand down the side of his face. When their eyes met, Akira could see bags forming.

Both of his parents had looked exhausted on the train ride back to Yongen. Akira was pretty sure Jun had fallen asleep slumped up against Tatsuya's back despite the crowded car. An empty chill ran down him at the thought. It wasn't like him. Tatsuya even insisted they stop back at the cafe before heading to their hotel for the night.

“Just... give him a little bit,” Tatsuya sighed.

Akira nodded. He didn't know what else to say. His head was still buzzing and he could feel Yusuke's eyes on the back of his head.

They had told Sojiro Jun had a fainting spell. He was at the sink cleaning some of the dishes and the way his brows furrowed, Akira knew he didn't believe it. Not with the scrapes and bruises forming. But he hadn't asked when Tatsuya had brought Jun up to his room. He's grateful for that, but Akira knew the leniency couldn't last. He would have to apologize to Sojiro later.

Tatsuya stepped forward and looked over the two boys at the counter. Akira noted how he seemed to struggle keeping eye contact. There were words on the tip of his tongue but Akira knew better than to push. They would come in their own time.

“So, this sort of thing happen a lot?” Sojiro asked as he dried off a white plate. He wasn't looking at any of them, though he kept his tone somewhat light.

Tatsuya looked to him, surprised, and slipped his hands into his pockets.

“Sometimes,” Tatsuya lied, “It was a long trip. It took more out of him than he thought.”

Sojiro hummed and continued washing the dishes. Akira was really going to have to apologize later.

“Akira,” Tatsuya turned to his son and Akira looked right up, “Can we talk?”

“Ah. Yeah.” Akira stood and he headed towards the door to the cafe. He gave Yuuske a quick look of reassurance. Looking over his shoulder, Akira motioned for his dad to follow. “Come on.”

There was still a few people wandering the alleys and back streets, and in the distance cicadas were chirping to the setting sun. It took some adjustment, but Akira had grown less worried about listening ears. He was still cautious, and led Tatsuya across the way to the small laundromat by the bathhouse. No one was there at this time of day and the machines were all silent. Akira sat squarely on the stool at the end of the row and crossed his arms over his chest. He looked up his dad expectantly.

Tatsuya leaned against one of the old washers. He wasn't looking at anything in particular.

“So,” Akira took a deep breath. He was trying to still his shaking hands. “What was that?”

Tatsuya sighed and dug his old lighter from his pocket. Tatsuya didn't smoke so Akira was never sure why he insistently carried that thing around. The way he reverently rubbed his thumb over the face, it was obviously important to him. It flicked open then shut with a satisfying clack.

“What do you remember of Sumaru?”

The question threw Akira off. He hadn't quite expected that change of subject, but he trusted Tatsuya to be going somewhere with it.

Honestly, Akira didn't remember much. He was still young before they had taken him out to the country. What was he, four? Anything he does remember was in fragmented pieces that usually ended up jolting him awake at night, though they were few and far between. And flowers. He remembered a small balcony with flowers.

“It was like any other city. I think.”

Tatsuya nodded, then turned his head towards him.

“That's what Jun and I are trying to maintain.”

Akira's brows furrowed and his arms loosened.

“It was back when Jun and I were in high school. It started small. Rumors started to become true, demons started appearing, and people could play this game and have their wishes granted. Some... friends and I got caught up in it, too. It just... escalated from there.” Tatsuya looked away and shook his head. His brows creased and he straightened how he was leaning against one of the washing machines.

There was a heavy weight on Tatsuya's shoulders that he had been carrying on his own for too long.

“What happened to you?” Akira asked softly, his hands falling into his lap. They anxiously fidgeted with each other.

Tatsuya didn't answer right away. The cicadas sounded so far off.

“We couldn't save everyone.”

Akira waited patiently for Tatsuya to elaborate. His dad rubbed at his eye. He looked to Akira, but he couldn't hold eye contact. Akira didn't mind.

“Jun, he... He was the one answering the calls and granting wishes for people. That Shadow we saw. It wasn't exaggerating. He took people's aspirations, their dreams, if they didn't have a wish. He left a lot of people empty. They eventually just faded away.”

“...He really did that?”

“We fought for a while. We tried to save the people he hurt and stop this cult following he had. But even from our perspective, we could tell something was wrong. The Jun we remembered wasn't like that. He fought tooth and nail to tear me down.” The lighter flipped open and shut again. “Honestly, though. After everything he'd been through,” Tatsuya breathed and he met Akira's eyes, “I can't say I wouldn't do the same.”

Akira shook his head, trying to wrap his mind around what that could possibly mean and what reason Jun could have. If he was to take this all at face value, then everything that Shadow said was something that was weighing Jun down all these years. Akira's chest felt hallow.

“Look,” Tatsuya's eyes softened, “Jun said he'd explain everything. I believe him. So maybe talk to him about it. It's not so black and white.”

Akira didn't want to push Jun for answers, but he didn't doubt that he would explain. Not after what happened. Akira rubbed his shaky hands together, trying to rid himself of the nervous energy under his skin. At least until he could be alone with his thoughts.

“Honestly, I believe him when he said it had started out with him wanting to help people.” Tatsuya said firmly. “And I think that was one of the key pieces used to manipulate him. I'm not saying what he did was okay, but he's paid the price. We both did. He's been trying to fix his mistakes ever since we got him back.”

There was still so much he didn't understand but maybe Akira wasn't meant to. It wasn't his fight.

That didn't mean they had to shoulder the burden alone, though.

“That... mark on your arm. It's not just some tattoo,” Akira prompted. Tatsuya looked down at his arm in question. He pulled the dark sleeve up and Akira could see him trail his eyes down the hand wrapping around his own wrist. Akira held his hand out, asking for permission to look at it for himself. He had never gotten a good look before.

Tatsuya looked down to the offered hand before stepping forward and holding his arm out. Akira took his dad's hand. Looking at it with a critical eye, it was obvious now it wasn't a tattoo. The lines were too hard and the black was solid. It hadn't faded like a healed tattoo.

“It's a brand. A reminder.”

“A reminder for what?” Akira didn't look up. He could feel the sweat at the back of his neck.

“That I didn't keep my end of the deal.”

Akira looked up at that. He recalled him mentioning something about a deal earlier. He let go of Tatsuya's arm as he took it back. He ran his other hand over the black outstretched arm crawling up his own. He pulled his sleeve back down decisively.

“Something was trying to set us up for failure. It was trying to lead mankind to its own destruction, prove some point that humanity couldn't help but destroy itself. We tried to stop it, but in the end we failed. And someone very important to us got hurt.” Tatsuya paused to take a breath. It was shaky but Akira made no move to acknowledge it. Tatsuya would get there in his own time.

“So we made a deal.” Tatsuya looked down at the lighter cradled in his hands. “Set everything back. Let us save Maya. We just had to give up our memories of what had happened. So we did.”

Tatsuya's hands clutched the lighter.

“I couldn't do it, though. They were too important for me to just leave behind like that.” His hands fell in front of him, and Tatsuya looked up to the dingy dryers across from him. Akira hadn't seen his eyes look that sunken in a long time. “So I remembered everything. And He gave me a reminder of what would happen if everyone else remembered, too.” Tatsuya looked to Akira finally, and Akira found himself unable to say anything.

Harmless chatter from the streets outside filtered in, a car horn went off somewhere in the distance. Akira found himself feeling isolated. He couldn't touch this. Whatever had happened to his parents, this had been so far beyond him. He leaned forward and rested his head on his folded hands.

“But Jun remembers everything?” It was one detail that didn't add up.

“It was an accident,” Tatsuya answered. “We happened to run into each other at the shrine, and... I stayed longer than I should have. We all had a lot of memories at that shrine. Good and bad. Along with me being here, it must have triggered some memories to come back. He told me it was like a dam breaking. A crack at first, deja vu, and then a sudden flood.” A sad smile tugged at Tatsuya's face as he looked away again. “We were so scared when we realized what had happened.”

“There was a lot on the line.”

Tatsuya nodded. The smile slipped and his eyes grew dark.

“The thing is, this isn't just about one city. When we failed,” Tatsuya paused and his eyes screwed shut, “Every single person on this planet outside of Sumaru... they died. There was nothing left but Sumaru. _That's_ how serious this is. That's why we left Sumaru. If we aren't there, then the others won't remember us, or what happened.”

Akira stared up at him. Tatsuya looked so tall, and though his brows were furrowed, there had always been a soft kindness just underneath. Akira couldn't grasp the scale. It was too much.

“I'm sorry we had to push you like we did. We were just scared of losing you. And everything.”

They both sit in silence. Akira didn't think there was anything he should add. There was nothing he could add.

“I'm sorry.” It was all he could think to say.

Tatsuya looked over to him. He pushed himself off from the washing machine and knelt down in front of Akira. Tatsuya's eyes were shining more than usual, but his soft smile spoke louder.

“You're a good kid, Akira. You're doing great things.”

Akira looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. Tatsuya's hand came up and ruffled Akira's already scruffy hair.

“We're going to seriously talk about these... after school activities. But...” Tatsuya shook his head. “I don't think we'd be able to stop you.”

He wasn't wrong about that. But at least Tatsuya understood more or less what Akira was getting himself into now, and that he's more than capable of handling himself out there. This wasn't a fight he was waging on his own.

Standing, Tatsuya looked back towards the entrance to the laundromat with a sigh. His hands slipped into his pockets and he inclined his head for Akira to follow.

“We should check on Jun.”

Akira paused and just looked up to Tatsuya. Framed by the golden light of the setting sun, It was starting to hit him what sort of delicate balance was on the line, how much those two were risking and what they had to sacrifice. Despite everything, Tatsuya could still smile. He was still kind.

Akira stood and followed without hesitation.

As they returned to the cafe, Yusuke looked up at the sound of the bell chiming overhead. He looked between the two of them anxiously. Akira could feel Tatsuya's hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze. He patted his back before Akira stepped forward.

“Are you staying with him?” Tatsuya asked, addressing Yusuke. Both Akira and Yusuke look to back to him at the sudden inquiry. Akira could feel his heart start to beat harder in his chest.

“Yes, though I will need to return to my dorms to inform them I won't be in tonight as well.”

“I'll walk you to the station,” Tatsuya said, giving Akira a quick look before turning back towards the door. Yusuke looked to Akira as he stood, gathering his bag together.

“You don't have to,” Akira mumbles to him.

“With the risk of sounding assertive, I think I will stay.” Yusuke adjusts the bag on his should and gives Akira a stern look. Despite the hard crease in his brow, there's worry marring his face. “I'd rather not leave you alone tonight.” Yusuke gave him a once over. Akira knew he could see the way his hands clenched at his sides. How he fidgeted from one leg to the other. Akria really didn't want to be alone tonight.

Yusuke's eyes softened. He offered Akira a small smile.

“I'll be back in only a moment.”

Akira just nodded as Yusuke stepped away towards Tatsuya and the door. The bell chimed as the door closed. Dishes clinked in the sink and Akira looked over to Sojiro. He had been quiet this whole time. He gave Akira a sympathetic look before he sighed and dried off his hands with a nearby towel.

“You need a moment, kid?” Sojiro asked. He dug around under the counter and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. “I could use a smoke, anyway.” He tapped one out of the carton as he headed for the door.

“Ah. Thank you.” He was seriously going to need to properly apologize and thank that man later.

Akira took a controlled, yet shuddering breath. He needed one last grip on his fraying emotions. His hands were still wanting to shake with nervous energy and adrenaline. There was an annoying and insistent stinging in his eyes. It took a few breaths, but he felt back in control. Akira looked to the stairs. He needed to talk with Jun. Or at least check on him.

It was quiet as he walked up the stairs, habitually sticking closer to the railing to avoid the creaking of the wood. Akira found Jun laying on his couch, facing away from the stairs. He hesitated, unsure if his dad had fallen asleep or not.

“Akira.” Jun's hand raised and beckoned him over. That answered his question. Though Akira was still unsure how he always managed to do that.

He took the few steps forward to stand by the old couch. Akira watched as Jun lowered his hand to rub over his face and temples.

“You could have taken the bed,” Akira said.

“This was closer.”

A smile tugged at Akira's mouth, but he couldn't keep it. He knelt down besides his dad and sits on the floor, leaning his side against the front of the couch and looked up to Jun quietly. He's not sure where to start. Jun doesn't seem to know, either.

“How are you feeling?” It seemed as good as any place.

Jun took a deep breath as he sighed. His hands dropped to rest on his stomach and he stared up at the ceiling. Akira wonders if he's looking at the stars he had taped up there.

“I found out my son is the one confronting criminals and making them confess with a method I thought long gone, and I had to face a part of my past I had wanted to move on from. Which you had to see.”

“That's fair.”

“I'm not mad.”

Jun looked down to Akira. Although he looked exhausted, he was still smiling. The corner of his eyes crinkled and Akira felt like he could genuinely return it. Jun's smile faded, but somehow Akira wasn't worried.

“I'm sure you can understand why we kept it from you. There's just... so much on the line. And after everything, we just wanted to try to live a normal life.” Jun looked away again. Akira bounced his knee off his other.

“Tatsuya told me everything,” Akira finally said. “About what had happened. About your friend.” He hesitated, carefully watching Jun's reaction. “About you.”

“Did he now?”

Akira nodded, and he started to doubt it.

“Did he happen to say something along the lines of, 'he only did what I would have?'”

“Not... in those exact words...”

Jun sighed, and pushed himself to sit up on the couch, swinging his legs over the edge. He patted the cushion next to him and Akira climbed up. Jun's hands folded in his lap as he looked down at them.

“There's two sides to every story,” Jun began solemnly. He brushed some of his hair out of his face, tucking some behind his ear as he adjusted how he was sitting. He turned to face Akira more. “I promised I'd tell you everything, so I will.” He looked up and their eyes met. Akira felt cold and swallowed the lump forming in his throat.

“I'm sorry for pressuring you like I did. And I'm sorry about how harshly I reacted in the subway. I just never thought I'd hear that title again, and hearing you call yourself that...”

“'Joker...' You did some terrible things.” Akira butted in. Jun nodded.

“In all honesty, I actually can't remember when it all started. I assume Tatsuya told you about the manipulation? How our chances of winning were stacked against us?” Akira nodded at the questions. “It was all just some game to them.” Jun looked off to somewhere across the room. There was heat in his gaze. “Some gamble on the nature of humans. One of them used me. He posed as my father and manipulated my memories, fed me lies for so long I honestly believed him.

“He made me believe Maya had died in that fire at the shrine. And that Tatsuya was the one who had started it.”

Jun turned back to Akira. He felt his breath catch in his throat as sweat started to run down the back of his neck. Jun's eyes were hard.

“While I was granting people's wishes and stealing Ideal energy from the others to further the progression of the evolution of mankind, he kept feeding me lies. He fueled my anger and rage to the point I became blind. I wanted Tatsuya dead for what he had done. I forgot who I even was and immolated myself with that misguided abhorrence.”

And just like that, Jun's outbursts in Mementos made sense. Akira could feel his hands start to shake all over again. He didn't know what to do with himself but sit quietly and listen. He could clearly remember Arsene calling out to him in his mind to use his anger and frustration, focus it and unleash it as power. There was a thin line that Akira was constantly skirting.

Jun's eyes lowered to his lap, looking down at his wrist and running his fingers over the face of the watch he was always wearing. Akira could see the second hand ticking away steadily.

“Tatsuya and the others saved me. Helped me get my mind back. And I tried to make up for all the pain and suffering I caused them and everyone else. Tatsuya always tells me not to blame myself, but...”

“You didn't grieve, did you?” Akira asked.

Jun suddenly looked up, surprised by the question.

“Tatsuya said you've been trying to make up for your mistakes ever since they got you back.” Jun continued to stare at Akira. “Grief... isn't something that really ever goes away. Dad...” Akira pauses to collect his thoughts. He couldn't fathom he pain Jun must have been in. But Akira knew Jun, and he knew what kind of person he really was.

A thought hit him and he motioned for Jun to wait a moment as he stood and went to his work desk in the corner of his room. He shuffled through a stack of papers before pulling one out. He looked it over, and decided this was the one he wanted.

Akira stood in front of Jun and held out the paper for him to take. Jun stared at the pressed peony and the small notes written along the side of the paper. He gently took it and Akira could see his eyes start to water.

“I want you to have that,” Akira said as he knelt down in front of his father. “I think you deserve it.”

Jun quickly brought his hand up to cover his mouth as he continues to look down at the pressed flower. The paper shook in his hand. He carefully set it off to his side and pulled Akira into a tight hug. Akira returned it carefully when Jun started to cry in earnest.

Akira wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, but he didn't mind. Jun was a heavy weight against him, and he let him lean on him for as long as he needed. It gave him time to breathe. He just had to make it until Tatsuya and Yusuke got back and then he could let go. As it stood, Akira couldn't let himself fall apart. He ran a shaky hand against Jun's back.

Jun finally pulled back, and Akira's heart ached seeing his eyes so red and puffy, but he didn't look so weighed down. There was a vibrant spark of life back in his eyes and when Jun looked up, he was smiling wide and bright. He brought his hands up to cup Akira's face, and gently rubbed his thumb over the curve of his cheek. Jun's hands were soft and warm.

“I love you, Akira.”

A breathless laugh left Akira as he looked away and smiled. Jun's hands slid from his face and back into his lap, but that smile didn't fade. Akira knew better than to believe that everything would be better now, that Jun wouldn't have any more episodes or fall into those dreadful silences. But at least he was better equipped to handle them now. They all were.

They could hear the bell downstairs chime and soon enough there was a set of footsteps coming up. Tatsuya cautiously entered the attic space. Both Jun and Akira looked over, and Tatsuya's shoulders relaxed when he saw them both looking content.

As Jun looked up at him, and saw the way Tatsuya was eyeing him as he stepped forward, he smiled comfortingly.

“I'm alright, Tatsuya. Honestly.” It seemed to be enough.

“Why don't you go get some rest,” Akira suggested as he stood. His hands slid into his pockets. Jun looked like he wanted to protest, but none of them could ignore how exhausted they were. Tatsuya reached his hand down for Jun to take. “You're staying at a hotel nearby, right? We can meet up tomorrow and I'll take you to the planetarium for real. I think you'll like it.” Akira offered a smile. “We can talk about me later.”

It seemed to be good enough, and Jun relented with a sigh. He took Tatsuya's hand as he stood from the couch, carefully picking up the paper with the pressed peony and held onto it carefully.

“I'll give you a call later, alright?” Jun said as the two of them headed for the stairs. Akira nodded and gave them a small wave. As soon as they're out of sight, Akira's hand quickly fell. So did his smile. He sat on his bed and the bell chimed.

It was like sand slipping through his fingers. No matter how tightly he held on, some would always slip through the cracks.

That splitting smile on that Shadow wearing his dad's face had left an impression Akira could shake. The way it stood over him and the chilling panic that urged him to move like he had. He didn't think. He just reacted. Akira's hands shook as he held himself.

There were footsteps on the stairs, and Yusuke poked his head up over the railing.

“Akira?” Yusuke looked to him as soon as he found him on the bed, and Akira couldn't hold it any longer. He choked back a sob and Yusuke's bag hit the floor as he rushed over. Akira ripped his glasses off his face and they clatter to the ground. He harshly rubbed at his eyes only to end up running his fingers through his own hair as he leaned over himself. Yusuke sat next to him, and he could feel the uncertain concern hovering over him. Akira didn't know if he wanted him to touch or not.

His hands came down to cover his mouth as he curled into himself more. He couldn't stop his whole body from shaking.

“Akira, please talk to me.”

“I almost shot my dad,” Akira gasped out. He was trying to calm back down, but it kept playing back in his head. All he could remember was that fear shooting though him as that Shadow lorded over. Akira had panicked. “I almost shot him.”

There was a hand at his back and he jolted at the touch. He immediately regretted it when Yusuke pulled back, and Akira realized that, yeah, he really wanted Yusuke to touch him. He needed grounding. He muttered a quick apology and Yusuke seemed to understand. It was slow, but Yusuke wrapped his arms around Akira's shoulders. He melted into the embrace. Akira couldn't stop the shaking.

“You saved your father today, Akira.”

“If I missed—”

“You didn't.” Yusuke's voice was firm and Akira could feel his fingers run though his curly hair. Akira pressed his face against Yusuke's shoulder and tried to match his breathing. It helped, but his eyes still stung.

They both fell silent as Yusuke held Akira, and Akira let himself fall apart. He'd pick up the pieces and Yusuke would help put them back together later. They ended up spending the rest of the day curled together on Akira's small bed, Yusuke running his fingers lightly over Akira's red face. The setting sun was shining through his window and the rays were warm against their skin.

It would just take some time.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Dried White Rose: Sorrow  
> Rue: Regret, Repentance, Disdain  
> Marigold: Pain, Grief  
> Sweet Brier: A wound to heal  
> Rainflower: I must atone for my sins, I will never forget you
> 
> Peony: Wealth, Good Fortune, Bravery, and Honor
> 
> [@hawkeing_eta](https://twitter.com/hawkeing_eta) is my twitter  
> I'm also on [Tumblr](http://hawkeing-eta.tumblr.com/).


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